Reflection...

I've been thinking alot lately about the meaning of Christmas. It began as I was reflecting a few days ago on what I have been seeing more and more as the day approaches. I look around while I am in my car driving home and see how people are just rushing from one end to the other. There is something about the month of December that makes people RUSH. It's interesting to see this because I was once like that. Don't get me wrong. I ain't a turtle...however, I now see this month as something even more special as it is the most important (in my opinion) celebration of all time. Why? Simply because this is when Jesus was born...simply put but worth more to me than anything else.

I went shopping over the weekend and to my surprise...the stores were relatively empty. People were shopping yet the pushing and shoving and bad moods that we often encounter as Christmas approaches were not visible. The thing that was visible was my own stress about what to buy for who and how I was going to pay for it.

I had to face it. Although I would like to give meaningful gifts to those I love and care about...the truth is that I really can't afford it. And then some more reflection sunk in. What can be more meaningful than my love and friendship? Why not share the beautiful story of the birth of my Lord and Savior...why not focus on that instead of the latest gadget to give away?

I did purchase some gifts and I still have a few to go. I am giving a little something to a selected few. They definetely have a price limitation. Others are receiving scrafs made by me. However, I want to gear my focus more on enjoying this month and celebrating the beauty of that One who loves me so. I don't want to be consumed in all the fuzz of shopping. I don't want to loose my focus on the true meaning of Christmas.

While I was absent...

It's been a while since I was here. Mainly because I forgot my password...yeah, I know.

I had written it down and put it away in a safe place. So safe, that when I felt like blogging I couln't find it. How ironic huh? In any case, I have been up to date with the blogs that I read. So much has been going on in the lives of these beautiful people...all the while in my life...well, it's been pretty much the same.

Life is life, wonderful things have been happening as well as the not so wonderful ones' but for all I am thankful. Specifically for this little one below...

For all those who do read my post or have been anxiously awaiting an update...she is the one who has kept me occupied...and the lack of my password...

I wonder...

I am always wondering what it is that makes some mom's act as if they were there daughter's worst enemies. Like why they tend to put them down with their ever so mean comments or give the silent treatment in a foolishly attempt to make them change their mind about something or someone........

Why? Are mom's not able to just love their daughter's as they are. To value the person that they become and to nurture when needed?

Yeap...I have me one of those. And I am almost 100% convince that if it was not for my daughter, my own mom would have thrown me out a very long time ago. She is still resentful about me having gone away to school. Unbelievable...this was 10 years ago and she still carries this around!

Makes me wonder how I will be as a mother when my own daughter gets older. I sometimes have these visions that I turn out to be as hurtful as my own...but I shouldn't say or think this...perhaps because I am going through it.

In other news, my little baby is turning 3 on Wed. the 12th. I can't believe how fast these couple of years have just moved right along. I am happy with my munchkin. Heck of a lot of work but truly blessed. She is healthy, bright and very loving....what more can I ask for...only for her to continue to grow as she is and for us to be a true bond of what mother and daughter should be.

God bless!!!!

I can't believe it...

It's been almost a month since my last post.....trying to think about what to blog about....

Not much has been happening. I was able to take 5 days off to Santa Barbara, CA. This was relaxing and lot's of fun. My friend and I rented, along with one of her coworkers, a four seater bike. One of those that looks like a small golf cart. We rode it on the beach side and boy was it fun!!!! I can't wait to go back and take my daughter. I think it is something that she would enjoy.

I'm also planning my babys' 3rd birthday. I can't believe she is almost 3. Seems like not to long ago that I brought her into this world. She is now so big. Quite tall for her age. I'm often asked how old she is because of this. She's also very bright...not because she's my kid...she just amazes me how intelligent she is. She now knows her ABC's for a couple of months. She know how to count up to 20 although she often skips 9, 12 and 13 for some reason. She's been helping me out with her bed...and wants to be more and more independent. I let her...I try to teach her to do things on her own so that she feels included. I am truly blessed.

Well...that's all for now. I hope not another (almost) a month goes by before typing away.

Happy 4th of July all.

Be safe!!!!

AY!!!!

For the last couple of days I've been absent from this blog for two major reasons...

1) I don't really think anyone reads this...well, maybe it is read....

2) I'm not really good at keeping a journal.

I thought that because it's online it would be easy...but I'm not a journal type of gal. So, I'll continue to do my best.

Lot's of things have gone about these last couple of weeks. For starters I talked to my ex-boyfriend once again. I finally was able to come clean with all that I was feeling and thinking about why this relationship is not going to work as he would want it. Then I started thinking that maybe it was me who had a fear of commitment...well, duh! I do, with him. I think it's mainly because I have yet to meet that one person that is for me. I've been looking for him forever...and all the time I've gotten burned and hurt. So, this time around...it's time for me...alone time for me and for my kid. I honestly have not been single since I started dating...at the tender age of 17. It's about time!!!

Another one of my little issues is that I often have pain due to my arthritis. Yeap. At my age I a have RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis). It's a very painful disease. It can be excrutiating at times. I was diagnosed at the age of 22 and have since been periodically checked by a specialist. Who continues to tell me that I must begin treatment. Which I would if I was certain that I no longer wanted to have more children. You see, the 3 options given to me are so strong that they can cause cell mutation...or possible infertility....I don't want that. I want to take care of that part of my anatomy as much as possible. Of course this means that the longer I wait the sooner I may begin to experience bone erosion...AY!!!! So, to round it off...I often have stiff fingers for the first couple of hours of the day....then I can type. Well, I can type anyway.....I've just been lazy to update this...What this had to do with the above...I don't know.

Just another thing to vent about...peace y'all!!!

when will this end?

Today I found out that my ex had a picture of my daughter on his myspace. It was one taken by him when she was just months old and the caption read "My guardian angel.". I was fumming. I thought..."how dare he?" "what gives him the right?" So, I sent him and email telling him that I knew he had a picture of my daughter on there and that I would appreciate it if he removed it. He did. He didn't answer to me, but it's off and now his page is set to private. Go figure....just three weeks ago he was still pouring his "love" to me and now he is completely not as nice....oh well. I think the moral of the story has to be that it reinforces the why I am no longer in this relationship....but...I am hurting. Oh well. This too shall pass.

unexpected events....

well, last night I received a text message from someone I wasn't even thinking would send me a text. turns out it was one from the guy who signed me up to the gym a few weeks ago. he had my number on his cell b/c I called the gym one night and asked to talk to him since he signed me up. I thought I had lost my card and I wanted to ask him how much it would cost me...since he might do it for free. he was on his way out so he asked me for my digits...me and my naiveness thought not much of it...so he called me from his cell...told me to pick up b/c it was him. so we continued to chat a bit more about my card...he then said happy mom's day because the following day was 5/10. mother's day for us mexicans....so i told him that in the last 3 years no one had really said that to me. we said goodbye and that was that.

the next day I didn't work b/c I spent my mom's day with none other than my mom and my daughter. he called me in the morning to say happy mom's day again. Sigh....so again, that was it. I often see him at the gym and he says hi or smiles from afar. he is kind of cute...but nothing more.

so last night...there I am ironing...I iron every night...and I receive a text. I thought it was my friend answering back...but it was him with a joke....I answered and we texted for a bit. Nothing major...just how are u's and where is it that u live...with what are you doing and finally have a good night. So today of course, I am thinking about that...why did he text me? What does this mean?

I am not making a big deal out of it b/c it probably won't become anything. aside this I am not ready...I am still healing from the last relationship that I finally broke away from. almost two weeks ago I finally put an end to it and neither he nor I have looked for each other. anyway, this will be slowly put in the back of my mind...but I still wonder...is he playing (the gym guy) or is he genuinely interested in becoming a friend...or something else?

In other news, I am puppy shopping. I have been wanting a dog for a while now but was waiting for my kid to be big enough to enjoy. I will either be buying/adopting a beagle, crocker spaniel or chihuahua. I've had dogs all throughout my life...these past 4 years without one has been "weird".

Alright...here's to a wonderful week...........cheers and God bless!!!!