when will this end?

Today I found out that my ex had a picture of my daughter on his myspace. It was one taken by him when she was just months old and the caption read "My guardian angel.". I was fumming. I thought..."how dare he?" "what gives him the right?" So, I sent him and email telling him that I knew he had a picture of my daughter on there and that I would appreciate it if he removed it. He did. He didn't answer to me, but it's off and now his page is set to private. Go figure....just three weeks ago he was still pouring his "love" to me and now he is completely not as nice....oh well. I think the moral of the story has to be that it reinforces the why I am no longer in this relationship....but...I am hurting. Oh well. This too shall pass.

unexpected events....

well, last night I received a text message from someone I wasn't even thinking would send me a text. turns out it was one from the guy who signed me up to the gym a few weeks ago. he had my number on his cell b/c I called the gym one night and asked to talk to him since he signed me up. I thought I had lost my card and I wanted to ask him how much it would cost me...since he might do it for free. he was on his way out so he asked me for my digits...me and my naiveness thought not much of it...so he called me from his cell...told me to pick up b/c it was him. so we continued to chat a bit more about my card...he then said happy mom's day because the following day was 5/10. mother's day for us mexicans....so i told him that in the last 3 years no one had really said that to me. we said goodbye and that was that.

the next day I didn't work b/c I spent my mom's day with none other than my mom and my daughter. he called me in the morning to say happy mom's day again. Sigh....so again, that was it. I often see him at the gym and he says hi or smiles from afar. he is kind of cute...but nothing more.

so last night...there I am ironing...I iron every night...and I receive a text. I thought it was my friend answering back...but it was him with a joke....I answered and we texted for a bit. Nothing major...just how are u's and where is it that u live...with what are you doing and finally have a good night. So today of course, I am thinking about that...why did he text me? What does this mean?

I am not making a big deal out of it b/c it probably won't become anything. aside this I am not ready...I am still healing from the last relationship that I finally broke away from. almost two weeks ago I finally put an end to it and neither he nor I have looked for each other. anyway, this will be slowly put in the back of my mind...but I still wonder...is he playing (the gym guy) or is he genuinely interested in becoming a friend...or something else?

In other news, I am puppy shopping. I have been wanting a dog for a while now but was waiting for my kid to be big enough to enjoy. I will either be buying/adopting a beagle, crocker spaniel or chihuahua. I've had dogs all throughout my life...these past 4 years without one has been "weird".

Alright...here's to a wonderful week...........cheers and God bless!!!!

today is the day...

today is the day. I am so excited and not nervous...yet! The baptism will take place at 7pm...CA time.

so, I was watching Sex and the City last night. I'm addicted to that show and then I wonder why I can't wake up in the morning. It's on at 11:oopm so of course, even if I am tired and sleepy I still manage to stay up to watch it. I was not on the trend of Sex and the City when the show was till being taped because I didn't have HBO. So now I am watching re-runs!!! Exciting!!!

other than this all is pretty much the same. more pain...this RA is really hitting on me. I've been flaring for the last couple of days and having training at the gym probably told it that it was ok to hurt me more....:-)

fun stuff...I know!!!

ok, I'm rambling...I'm not really on a writing mode right now...so have a peaceful and blessed day...

I was at the GAP yesterday and I saw the cutest skirt. I thought about buying it but it 54 bucks. Ouch. For a skirt, but then what can I expect...it is the GAP. My lovely mother saw how much I liked it and she was up to giving me the cash for it...I told her that in a few weeks time it would go on sale and that I would look into buying it then. She was very sweet though because she kept telling me to get it as a gift for Mother's day. I told her thank you but that I would wait and if she were up to it when it's on sale then I'd gladly take her offer.

I've been a mom for 4 years...although my daughter is almost 3. I like to count the time that I was pregnant with her as my first Mother's day celebration. Yes, you may give me your opinion. I happen to think that pregnant ladies are already mommies. Anyway, my first actual Mother's day (with baby out already) no one told me anything. No family, no friends but one coworker. It sucked because I thought now that I had finally had her people would be yelling it out...but no. Last year pretty much the same...the same coworker, my dad and the guy I was seeing. This year...my mom!!! Which was really good to hear and I told her.

You see, my mom and I really haven't seen eye to eye since I moved back in with them from college. Getting pregnant out of marriage and being a single mother didn't quite suit with her either. She's been there but always with reference to what I have done and what I have not done. So, we both have had our share of dimes y diretes. However, recently we have been trying to get along...and it's working. I've prayed and I'm sure she has as well and we are getting along. I'm learning to step back when she has something to say about my daughter and to respect her for who she is. It's not easy as we are both very outspoken but we are giving it a go. We love each other but our relationship has been complicated.

In other news, I will be baptized this Thursday evening. I am quite excited and have thought about it for a while. It is a more serious commitment to my Faith and the path that I am walking on. But I feel prepared and know what this step entails. I feel blessed and humbled by the act and look forward to serving God as best as I can every day of my life. It's a constant learning process...one that I find most joyous.

I also spent some time this past weekend with extra worry. My kid woke up sick Friday morning and later that night she broke out with a rash and a fever. So I rushed her to the ER with my dad on hand and by the time we got there...the kid was all better. She was still checked and the doctor told me that it is common to break out with a rash when having a fever. Phew. I hate fevers...they scare me but I am calm about them because of her. She's such an angel...she doesn't cry when being examined and understands when I tell her that the doctor is going to check her. Another phew!!!!

Happy Tuesday.

inked...yes...no...maybe so...?

I've been struggling in my mind about possibly going ahead with getting inked one more time. I already have one...on my back...in the mid section of my shoulder blades. Very small...it's a heart...not a normal ending heart...rather one with curves...about a half dollar size. I got inked a few weeks after I graduated from school. It was my gift from me to me because I had been wanting one for a very long time. I also wanted one that signified something to me. So, I went with a heart...which represents never ending love....

I've been thinking about getting inked one more time because I like them. I think it's a form of expression that not many can wear or are able to. Then again...I struggle with my idea of not going ahead with it because of new found faith.

Anyway, this won't become a religious speech...I had been thinking about going forward with the following words:

amor vincit omnia

which means...love conquers all in Latin. I think it's a beautiful and truthful phrase and I was considering placing it above my heart in small letters...

but...because I am a Christian...I now have a dilemma....decisions, decisions....

I also wanted to get my daughters name on me...somewhere...but, we'll see.

words of deception....

Would you ever tell someone that you love that you also hate them? Is that even acceptable or normal? Well, I was told that...the guy...the one that I have been trying to end it with...he said that to me...and boy......was that the final straw. So, it's over...finally...next page...began yesterday. And I feel ready...

Anyways...I was out of the office yesterday...Mother's Day for a certain raza...so to all those mamacitas...felicidades!!!!

Blessings....

Have you ever?

Have you ever tried to break off a relationship with someone who just doesn't get it?

I've been trying to break off a relationship for the past year and a half. Mind you, alot of it has been my fault because I have been giving this guy false hopes...why? Because I've been dumb. I don't know how many times I have told him that this is just not going to work out and that it takes more than just feelings. It's been a rollercoaster...one that I have been riding for way too long.

But, how do you efficiently put an end to it without feeling guilty? How do you not go back to this cycle? I mean it hasn't been physically or emotionally hurtful just not what is for me or my child. I get confused many times because he has been good to my kid...in fact, he was a very good friend while I went through my pregnancy by myself. Very supportive...at least more than the biological dad...but is this enough to form a family? To settle for this because he accepts me with a child? I think not!!!

Another thing that has been bugging me has been his little faith in God. He says he believes in Him and says he talks to Him but does he really know Him? It's spiritual incompatibility...I have found that since I came to path of our Lord, my life has changed for the better. This individual has gone as far as to question my Faith and tell me I don't know what that is. I do. I have Faith in God that he has a plan for me...and he surely ain't it.

being single and no time to mingle....

I get frustrated when I am asked why I don't have a boyfriend or am not planning my wedding...since I am nearing the big 3-0. Well, it's not as easy as people may think. Yes, I am single yet I don't really have time to mingle. Specially when having an almost 3 year old attached to my hip. Really, who in their right mind would approach a woman with a toddler? Men usually think you are married or taken because you are seen out with a child. And as for going out to party...that's where I have a problem. I'm not really a party girl. So when ever I do go out...it's a fast gig...I tend to want to spend my time with my daugther. Is that so wrong? No, but it's harder to meet someone.

Ok, I vented. Happy Monday!!!!

Finally got it...I think.

Why does this have to be so difficult???? I've been navigating this thing for the past 1/2 hour and I finally was able to figure out how to post on this again. YAY!!! This makes me happy. Well, as stated on the previous post...I am new to the actual blogging world. I used to only bump into these sites and read what others have to say...now people will be reading what I type. Yikes!!! I'm sure it will be fun. So on with the new adventure...anyhow...I'm off to labor outside of my office....toodles.

I'm new

I just created this thing and already am having difficulty. I am addicted to the internet but I don't know how to use this thing. Hence my known title....:-)